If You Let It Go
by trufflemores
Summary: 4x04. "It's an expression," Marley explained. "If you love something, you have to let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." Blaine and Kurt's phone calls post-break up. Kurt/Blaine. COMPLETE.


**Disclaimer**: I do not own Glee or any of its characters; Ryan Murphy and Co. hold that honor. I'm simply writing this for fun, not profit.

_October 5, 2012  
12:58 AM  
Voice Mail_

"Blaine -

"Please. Please talk to me.

"I can't do this without you.

"I can't _be here _without you.

"You're - you're my anchor. You're my rock. My world. My everything.

"Blaine, I -

"I need you.

"Blaine, please.

"Please pick up."

* * *

_2:45 AM  
Voice Mail_

"Look, I get that you're upset, but this isn't over.

"I'm not going to let you go like this.

"We've worked too hard to give up this easily.

"Don't you remember any of that?"

* * *

_3:12 AM  
Voice Mail_

"You don't, do you?"

* * *

_October 7, 2012  
2:06 AM  
Voice Mail_

"Hey.

"I - I know it's two in the morning but I can't stop thinking about you.

"Not - not in a sexual way. Just you.

"I miss you, Blaine. We've been broken up for three hours and I miss you.

"I need you to call me back, Blaine. Please."

* * *

_3:48 AM  
Voice Mail_

"Please call me back. Tonight. Tomorrow. Soon."

* * *

_October 9, 2012  
7:58 PM  
Voice Mail_

"I can't keep spamming your inbox forever, Blaine.

"How many messages are you going to ignore? Seventy? Eighty?

"I can't keep doing this. We can't keep doing this.

"Please. I need you, Blaine. Please call back.

"I'll . . . I'll wait for you. I'll wait."

* * *

_9:54 PM  
Voice Mail_

"God, it's pathetic how much I miss you already.

"I hate that I ignored your phone calls. That I postponed our Skype dates.

"I hate that I didn't try harder before, Blaine.

"But we knew it was going to be like this. We knew that there would be challenges to overcome.

"This isn't over. I'm not going to let it end this way.

"Call me back, Blaine."

* * *

_11:05 PM  
Voice Mail_

"Please."

* * *

_October 12, 2012  
1:54 AM_

"I can't keep waiting."

* * *

_October 15, 2012  
12:24 PM  
Incoming Call_

Kurt sighed, picking up the phone and leaning back against the park bench. "I don't want to talk to you."

"We need to."

"We don't _need _to do anything."

"Please, Kurt."

Kurt grunted, looking down at his watch. "What is it?" he asked.

"I was wrong."

Kurt rolled his eyes, taking a sip from his coffee. "Of course you were. Is that all?"

"Kurt, I'm _sorry._"

Kurt shook his head, resisting the urge to give into that, to fall for that again so easily. "And I've moved on."

Silence.

". . . Are you sure?"

"Never more."

A pause. ". . . okay."

"Okay?" Kurt barked a laugh, gripping his coffee cup tightly enough that he wondered if it would split. That would be nice, in a way. Fitting. "I doubt it. Nothing is."

"I - you're right." Silence. "I'll . . . I'll let you go."

Kurt smiled bitterly, blinking to avoid tears. "Yeah, you already did, sweetie," he said, shutting off his phone.

* * *

_October 17, 2012  
4:38 PM  
Incoming Call_

"I can't stand it."

"Stand what?"

"Not talking to you."

"That's a first."

Blaine swallowed, his fists clenching on his lap as he looked around the empty choir room. "I need you."

"You needed me."

"No, I _need _you. Now."

"I don't need you."

Blaine flinched. "I know."

"So, why did you call this time?"

Biting his lip, Blaine looked down at his college acceptance letter.

"Nothing," he said quietly, hanging up.

* * *

_October 19, 2012  
4:36 AM  
Voice Mail_

"Kurt, I'm sorry.

"I don't really know what else to say.

"I was wrong to ignore your calls.

"I was wrong to treat it like it was nothing. Like we were nothing.

"We . . . you were everything to me, Kurt. You _are _everything to me.

"I don't feel whole any more.

"I don't know if I'll ever feel that way again.

"Did you know that Sebastian called me today? He asked if I was available.

"I know you don't care, but I told him I wasn't. I'm taken. I'm yours forever, Kurt.

"I'm sorry. I hope we can still - "

* * *

_October 22, 2012  
7:18 AM  
Outgoing Call_

"You said no."

"What?"

Kurt's fingers clenched around his coffee cup. "You told him no."

"Sebastian?"

"Yes."

". . . yes."

"Why?"

Kurt fiddled with the lid absently as he tossed in a packet of sugar, waiting.

"I'm not single."

"We're not dating."

Kurt poured in a half-half, capping his coffee and waiting.

". . . I can't do this any more."

"I know."

"We can fix this."

"We can't."

"I didn't _do _anything!"

"Except break up with me."

Silence.

"I didn't break up with you."

"You wanted to."

"But I didn't - "

"Semantics."

"Is there anything I can do to fix it?"

Kurt took a sip of his medium drip and closed his eyes. "No."

Click.

* * *

_October 27, 2012  
3:53 PM  
Incoming Call_

"Is this how it's going to be?"

"I'm surprised you keep picking up my calls."

"I don't always look at caller ID before I answer. Is that all you wanted to say?"

"No! No, I - no, no, that's not it. I - "

"You what?"

Blaine's fingers trembled in front of him, bloody, boxer gloves set aside.

"I needed to hear your voice."

". . . that's creepy."

Blaine closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"Are you done?"

Blaine looked at the punching bag, still swaying gently on its rack.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm done."

Blaine hung up without waiting for a response.

* * *

_October 27, 2012  
4:07 PM_

"_This is killing you."_

_"Relax, Marley. I just got a little carried away in the locker room."_

_"You know you don't have to pretend with me, right?"_

_"Pretend what?"_

_"That it's okay. That _you're _okay."_

_"Maybe I am."_

_"We know you're not."_

_"We?"_

_Marley shrugged, stepping closer and placing a hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to pretend any more," she said softly._

_Blaine stared at his bleeding hands, unable to stop trembling. "I have to," he choked, clearing his throat. "We're done. Kurt and I . . . we're done. He's done."_

_Marley sighed, her fingers kneading his tense shoulders. "If he loves you - which I know he does - this isn't over. Not by a long shot."_

_"I can't fix it."_

_"Says who?"_

_Blaine looked away._

_Marley walked around him, crouching down in front of him and taking his hands in hers gently. "Give it time, Blaine. It's only been a few weeks. He'll come around."_

_"What if he doesn't?"_

_Marley looked him in the eye. "If he doesn't, then he was never yours."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"It's an expression," she explained. "If you love something, you have to let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."_

* * *

_October 29, 2012  
2:56 PM  
Outgoing Call_

"Hi."

". . . hi."

"Are you okay?"

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters, Blaine - "

Kurt caught himself. Swallowed. Regrouped.

"I'm willing to hear you out. Now. I'm willing to hear you out now."

". . . now."

Kurt tightened his grip around his knee, nodding.

"I . . . I don't know what to say."

Kurt deflated.

"I . . . can we Skype?"

"Can't we just talk?"

"Of course. Of course."

Kurt waited. Minutes passed. ". . . what do you want to talk about?"

More silence. ". . . I still love you."

Kurt swallowed. "Can we talk about something else?"

A halting breath. ". . . okay. How's . . . how's New York?"

"Not the same."

"What do you mean?"

Kurt sighed, tossing his _Vogue _internship acceptance letter aside. "It's not the same without you."

"Oh."

". . . I should go."

"If you want."

Kurt nodded numbly, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the wall. "Good bye, Blaine."

"Good bye, Kurt."

* * *

_October 30, 2012  
6:29 PM  
Incoming Call_

"I got in."

"What?"

"I got into Tisch."

". . . that's amazing, Blaine."

"I - I wanted you to know."

"That's . . . I'm glad you told me."

"I had to."

"You didn't."

"I did."

Kurt closed his eyes, looking around the empty living room. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

* * *

_November 3, 2012  
10:25 PM_

_"What are you doing out here?"_

_"Thinking."_

_"It's late."_

_"I know."_

_"Why Central Park?"_

_Kurt closed his eyes. "Memories."_

_"Good ones?" Rachel sat down on the bench beside him, ignoring the chill._

_"I wish."_

_Rachel wrapped an arm around his shoulders and said nothing._

_"I want him back."_

_Rachel squeezed his shoulders. "You have to let him in."_

_"I'm _trying._"_

_"You're shutting him out and pretending you're trying."_

_Kurt sighed, leaning his head against her shoulder._

_"I need help."_

_"You need to give him a real chance."_

_Kurt tilted his head to look at her. "How?"_

_"Talk to him."_

_Kurt chuckled humorlessly. "I tried that."_

_"Try again."_

_Kurt wrinkled his nose. "Why shouldn't _he _have to try harder?"_

_Rachel sighed. "He's trying as hard as he can, Kurt."_

_"He's the one that did this. Not me. He has to fix it, if he wants it."_

_"That's a great way to start a marriage."_

_Kurt stiffened._

_"You told me senior year that Finn and I had to work out our arguments together. Blaine and you aren't some big exception."_

_"We're not getting married."_

_"You still have his promise ring."_

_Kurt swallowed. "I haven't told him that."_

_"He knows."_

_Kurt blinked. "What?"_

_"He knows." Rachel squeezed his shoulder. "He's still calling you, Kurt. He knows that there's still a chance. And until you send it back, he's not going to give up."_

_Kurt stared at his left hand, saying nothing._

_"Send it back, or call him," Rachel insisted, squeezing his shoulder._

* * *

_November 3, 2012  
11:56 PM  
Outgoing Call_

"I still have it."

Blaine closed his eyes, leaning back against his head board. "Good."

". . . how did you know?"

"I know you."

". . . do you still have her?"

Blaine hugged the plush dog closer to his chest. "Of course."

"Good."

* * *

_November 4, 2012  
8:02 PM  
Outgoing Call_

"When does this get easier?"

Blaine chuckled bitterly. "I don't think it does."

". . . can it?"

Blaine swallowed. "I don't know."

* * *

_November 5, 2012  
2:51 AM  
Outgoing Call_

"I still love you, too, by the way."

Blaine said nothing, vision blurred.

"I didn't tell you that, but I think you knew, either way.

"I haven't dated anyone else, either."

"I know."

"I can't stop thinking about you."

"I know."

"I miss you."

". . . I know."

"I'm sorry for calling you at three in the morning."

"I'm not."

". . . do you still love me?"

"Always."

* * *

_November 7, 2012  
11:38 AM  
Outgoing Call_

"I'm coming back."

"When?"

"Next week."

"Perfect."

* * *

_November 12, 2012  
4:53 PM_

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not," Blaine whispered, holding Kurt close. "Not that you came."

"I missed you so much."

"I missed you more."

"I . . . I love you."

Blaine relaxed for the first time in weeks. "I love you, too."

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Self-explanatory.

**Please review!**


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